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THE 




Genii of Luray 



% Spfttacttlar f itliipt. 



TRULY DEPICTING THE 

RECENT WONDERFUL SEVEN MILE 
PAVEE^N PlSCOYERlES, 



tf 



LURAY, VA. 




Introducing numerous Genii, Gnomes, Sprites and 

Fairies. Interspersed with Spicy Dialogue, 

Songs, Dances, Marches, Visions, 

Spectres, A.c, &c. 



-BY- 



ROBERT L WEED, 



NEW YOKE CITY. 



__ 




(( 



I 









DRAMATIS PERSONS. 



Nimrod. a Hunter, Noble and Refined. 

Buckskin, a Hunter, Rough and Illiterate. 

Keni, an Eccentric Genii. 

Hans, a Dutch Gnome, full of fun. 

Salty, a Subterranean Sailor. 

Mike Malloy, an Explorer. 

Seth, a Downeaster, on his Travels. 

Sam, a Gentleman from Africa. 

Nemo, a Sprite, always busy and full of Music. 

Count De Buskin, an Actor, shabby, gen- 
teel, Teacher of the Dramatic Art. 

Tom, an English Thief. 

Dick, Tom's Pal. 



Chrystal, Favorite of the Stalactic Realms. 

Vision, Cause of Visions, good and bad. 

Viola, Chrystal's Companion. 

Biddy Malloy, Pat's Exploring Consort. 

Columbia, not a Myth. 

Stella, a stolen child. 



Gnomes, Fairies, Sprites, Etc. 



THE GENII OF LURAY. 



SCENE I. 



(Scene. Village of Luray in Distance. Eock Fore- 
ground painted on flats, with set rock attached 
to flat to go off with flat, cavity behind set rock.) 

(Enter— Nimrod and Buckskin, both dressed in Ken- 
tucky hunter's buckskin suits. Both halt and 
rest on their guns. Nimrod looking toward 
Luray.) 

Nim.— Ah, well, my dear little Luray, you never 
looked more picturesque to me than you do this 
morning. The bright sun shining on your dew-clad 
sides makes you look glorious, indeed, and your neat 
little cottages look like so many chickens nestling in 
the lap of some good matron. 



Buck.— O come, no hifalutin talk this mornin', let's 
to business. Where did that air rabbit go to, that's 
what I want to know. Talkin' about dew-sides, chick- 
ens, and all that. Let's talk rabbit, where did he go? 

Nim.— I saw him disappear just about here. O, I 
see, here's where he went, let's go in after him, he 
can't go much farther any how. 



(Both go in cavity in rock and disappear. Flat 
draws off.) 



SCENE II. 

(Sobhi. Gloomy cavern. Nimrod and Buckskin dis- 
covered.) 



Nim.— Well, well, here's room enough for all the 
rabbits in creation. 

Buck— Yes and all the foxes, the bulls ana the bears 
[Genii singing off stage. Macbeth music. ] 

Keni— Who said the foxes, who said the foxes, who 
said the foxes, the bulls and the bears? 

[Voices off the stage— the bears, the bears, the bears.] 



Nim.— Well, well, that's the queerest echo I ever 
heard. 



Buck— Well, where on earth or in earth are we any- 
how [looking around,] 



Keni— You are in my mystic spheres, 
Where I have ruled for many years— 
Now, time's elapsed and I may show 
My world of beauty here below. 
I'll now appear [Keni appears] to my first guest, 
And say, young men, stay here and don't go West. 
See all I'll show, hear what we say, 
But, when you depart, don't give it away. 
Here we have fairies, gnomes and sprites. 
To see them, Talmage would come from Brooklyn 

Heights, 



[Keni approaching Nim and Buck, taking them by the 
hand.] 



Keni— I'll now say, gloom avaunt, quick disappear, 
I'll entertain my first guests here— 
Tour fancies now I will entrance 
And show you how our fairies dance. 



SCENE III. 



(Scene. Beautiful grotto comes on. Fairies, Gnomes, 
etc., enter centre. Buck mingles with them, 
Hottentot music. ) 



SONG— ALL SING. 

We are fairies, bright and gay. fairies, fairies, fairies, 
Bright and gay. And our home, it is Luray. 
Here's where we dance and sing- 
Bight foot, left foot, so we do, 
But this is not the tra, la la lu, 
Nor is it the best that we can do, 
O, no, no. 



For we are fairies, bright and gay 

Fairies, fairies, fairies, bright and gay, 

And here we pass the time away, 

And merrily dance and sing, 

Right foot, left foot, so we do, 

But this is not the tra, la la lu, 

Nor is it the best that we can do, oh, no, no. 

[All dance off, Buck with them and as jolly as any of 
them. Nim and Keni remain.] 

Keni to Nim— Mortals say, in their tradition, 
That we are myths, without condition, 
But we are real and natural, too, 
And have our mission, our work to do. 
We influence mortals in their life's career, 
^Twas I that drew the rabbit here— 



I knew you'd follow ; it was the way 
Through you the world should know Luray, 
With your discovery— I'll now blow this whistle? 
And summon our favorite fairy, Chrystal. 



[blows whistle.] 

Enter Chrystal. 

Chrystal— Who summons Chrystal? 

Keni— 'Twas I, Keni, with eye so keen, 
I've found in this mortal a friend, I ween, 
So pray with him now be acquainted 

[Nim and Chrystal bow,] 

He's full of nerve, he never fainted. 

Nim [sing to Chrystal]— 
Young lady, please allow my happy greeting, 
These caverns your beauty cannot mar ; 
I thank a little rabbit for this meeting 
In your cavern home, my beauty that you are. 

He— In your cavern home, my beauty, that you are*. 

She— In my cavern home of beauty now you are. 

[Sing or speak.] 



Chrystal— Thanks, thanks, my noble friend, tho r 
a stranger, 
I'll guide thy footsteps through our domain, 
Be calm and I will shield thee from all danger 
'Till your footsteps tread the upper earth again. 

Nim— Pray, my little Chrystal, queen of the fair,. 
Tell me of your habitants, are they of air, 
Or spirits that time into mortals will mold 
With avarice continually grasping for gold? 






Chrys.— All nature is working as wisely designed, 
Man's wisdom's so shallow— it can scarce be defined^ 
To impart our secrets, we are not yet allowed, 
But here we have counterparts of your earthly crowd. 
I will call on a cavern in which I will show 
Many departed and in life those we know. 



[Chrys. waves wand— Scene picture gallery comes on] 



SCENE IV. 

(Scene. Picture Gallery.) 

Che to Nim — Now, Nimrod, call on woman or man, 
And I will speak for them the best I can, 

Nim— First, please, show me some native of Vir- 
ginia's State. 

Chrys— I will and one that was good and great, 
Washington, the Nation's Father. Virginia's son„ 
Who honor ail oe'r the world has won, 
Whose spirit will shine with lustre bright, 
While Time does last and there's day and night. 

[Show picture of Washington.] 
Nim— Please show me some woman of renown. 

Chrys— Yes, here's Victoria, a Nation's Queen* 
Who is now and has always been 
To her subjects ever true and kind, 
Among sovereigns her equal you cannot find. 

Nim— I see you are posted on the world above 
And know whom to hate and whom to love. 



Chrys— Yes, we try to love, hate we disdain, 
Xove reigns supreme in our domain. 

Nim— Please let me see some favored few, 
Then I'll not farther trouble you. 

|Show several pictures such as may be selected to 
suit the times and comment on them.] 

Nim— Chrystal, allow me to thank you for your kind 
attention, and believe me, what I have seen, outside, 
I will not mention. 

Chrys— I could still call on many more, 
But our time is up, this scene is oe'r. 
I will call on a cavern as we depart 
Where each gnome, sprite and fairy will do their part. 

[Chrystal waves wand and both exit.— L. fl.] 



SCENE V. 

(Scene. Chrystal Lake Grotto. Phantom Navy.) 

(Enter all kinds of grotesque characters, gnomes, 
genii, sprites, etc., singing, cutting all sorts of 
antics, very noisy.) 

[Gnomes' song— air, Isle of Blackwell.] 

This is the spot for a jolly, good lark, 
Here's a dome for the bat, and a lake for the shark. 
A. smooth place to dance, so we'll hoe it right down, 
No distinction to color, whether red, black or brown. 

So hop it, or jump it or go as you please, 

You may lay down and roll, or crawl on your knees, 

Then we will depart to our mystic dell, 

And what we do there, O we never will tell. 



A jolly, good time we'll all have here, to-night, 
Have fun in abundance but nary a fight, 
For Chrystal and Keni like nothing but mirth. 
And a rumpus would send us all back to the earth. 

So hop it, or jump it, or go as you please, 

You may lay down and roll or crawl on your knees, 

Then we will depart to our mystic dell, 

And what we do there, O we never will tell. 

Enter Hans— Halt, I say— I dinks you must all feel 
puty good this evening— I dink someone hos been in- 
troducing some Jersey danglefoot or someting of de 
kind— ven de vater fun dese gaverns don't be strong 
enough for you, just say de word unt I fills you all 
up mid lager dot don't make kwite so much noise as 
dot danglefoot— vare is dot Nimel Eod? Nimel Kod 
come out here. 

Nim— Here I am, 3 7 our Highness. I was just in the 
adjacent cavern, admiring its splendor. 

Hans— You call me highness, ha— how high I was ? 
You call me shanghai, aint it. I dinks you was get- 
ting too fresh. You come down here to ketch rabbits, 
aint it. 

Nim— I did a rabbit here pursue, 
And have tarried rather long, I'll admit 'tis true, 
But, with your permission, I'll soon depart— 
Although in your caverns I'll leave my heart. 

Hans— Why you dont take your heart along? Hay. 

Nim— Because, a fair one here I've met, 
Whose charming beauty I can ne'er forget, 
Go where I may, do what I will, 
Her. charms will follow and haunt me still. 



Hans— So, I dinks you wash gone on her. Told me 
who dot wash, unt I will bring her here, if I have to 



call on the whole army of the United States, and the 
navy. too. 

Nim— -The army, you might call— but the navy ? 

Hans— Yah, de navy. Maybe you don't dink we 
got him here— Dead Beat, blow de horn und call up 
de fleet. 



[Dead Beat blows horn and fleet appears. On the 
principle of Phantom Ship in Flying Dutchman] 

Nimelrods, vot you dinks of dot, hay? I told you we 
had em— [pointing to fleet.] Now, Saltey— he told you 
all about dot fleet. 

[Saltey sings, all dance around and sing. Chorus.] 

[Saltey's Song.] 

Now just look at our navy, 'tis the pride of the sea y 

As it floats so majestic with the flag of the free. 

It's a home for a rover, it takes him afar. 

And it makes a land luober a jolly good tar, 

He can glide o'er the billow when the lightning does 

All he wants is his grog, tobacco and hash. [flash, 

He's as happy as a lord, the living day long, 
Always ready to dance or to sing you a song. 
[Chorus last two lines.] 



Yes, this is our navy, 'tis but a hundred years old, 
And will compare with all other whose age is fourfold 
Paul Jones with his Richard, the rattlesnake ship, 
Was the first of our navy and scored the first whip. 
Yes, the Bon Homme Eichard, with her gallant crew 
Was the first representative of the red, white and blue 

Ever since that time we've been getting along, 
Our tars always ready to dance or sing you a song. 

[Chorus last two lines.] 



[At conclusion of singing, the fleet disappears.] 



Hans—Now, Nimrnelrod, what you dinks fun dot? 

Nim— Very good, but where is all the navy you have 
been singing about. 

Hans- [Looks around and the fleet has disappeared] 
Vel, by Jimminy, dot was a good joke anyhow— vel, 
anyvay dot vash just like Uncle Sam's navy— now you 
see it, unt now you don't see it. 

Nim— When do you see it? 

Hans — When a foe appears. 

Nim— When don't you see it? 

Hans— In time of peace, when there's no use for it. 
Then the tars disband, and work on shore. They 
think 'tis folly to loaf on board a ship, and thus the 
nation's vitals sip. Well, as the fleet has gone, we 
might as well go too, so we'll sing the hymn dedicated 
for dis place und den we'll get avay to parts unknown 
to you, Nimnael. Come boys, let's gone avay. [march. 

[Saltey sings, all join chorus, sing and dance.] 

Air— Isle of Blackwell. 

O this is the place for a jolly, good lark. 
Here's a dome for the bat and a lake for the shark, 
A smooth place to dance, so we'll hoe it right down, 
No distinction to color, whether red, black or brown, 

So we'll hop it, or skip it or go as we please, 
Lay down and roll, or creep on our knees, 
Then we'll all depart to our mystic dell, 
And what we do there, O we never will tell. 



A jolly good time we will all have to-night, 
Hare fun in abundance, but nary a fight, 
For Chrystal and Keni like nothing but mirth, 
And a rumpus would send us all back to the earth. 

So we'll hop it or skip it, or go as we please. 
Lay down and roll, or creep on our knees, 
Then we will depart to our mystic dell, 
And what we do there, O we never will tell. 

[All sing and dance off— L Upper Entrance. Scene 

•darkens.] 
[Enter Mike and Biddy Malloy. Mike carrying lan- 
tern and small bundle—R U Entrance.] 

Mike— Be me sowl, I thou't I heard music hereabout. 

Biddy— Faith and ye did, too. I heard it, mesilf. 

Mike— Be me sowl ye'll not get me explorin caves 
after this, for I believe the divil is takin me out of me 
way, an I think I'll niver get out of this place anyway. 

Biddy— Mike, I can go no farther ; I will have to lay 
down and rest mesilf. O if I only had a pilley or a 
shaif of straw itsilf I think I could lay down and sleep 
widout rockin. 

Mike— Biddy, me darlint, I'll be a pilley for ye, me- 
silf and I think I'll take a little nap at the same time 
an if I niver wake up, be the powers I'll slape for iver. 
Biddy, I've been so long in this place, I don't know 
whether to say good-night or good-mornin to ye, be- 
fore I go to slape. 

Biddy— I'll say good night to ye, anyway, and 
pleasant dhreams, to ye. 

[Mike lays down bundle under his head. Biddy lays 
her head on Mike's breast, both go to sleep. 
Scene slowly draws off.] 



SCENE VI. 



[Scene. Phantom Chamber. Enter Vision— Walk to 
where Mike and Biddy are laying.] 

Vision— I'm called Vision, because visions I cause- 
That is my mission, it is one of nature's laws. 
Oft' I cause anguish, tho' it causes me grief, 
I am compelled so to do to a murderer or thief ; 
But to hearts like these, so honest and true, 
A vision of happiness I'll call to their view, 
Ireland, your home, now see in your dream, 
Forget troubles that assail un life's turbulent stream, 

[Wave wand, vision appears through gause drop— the 
vision, interior of Irish cabin with parties at ta- 
bles, smoking and drinking, one sings the song 
Cruisekeen Lawn— all jolly— after song, vision 
slowly disappears. 



[Mike— Waking, yawning and singing Smiling Little 
Cruisekeen Lawn. ] 

Biddy— [Wakes] Mike, what is the matter wid ye- 
What are ye singing about? 

Mike— O Biddy, me darlint, I was in ould Ireland 
five minutes ago. 

Biddy— O Mike, the purty dream I had, I was at yer 
father's house in ould Ireland, and yer brother, Ted, 
was singing the Cruisekeen Lawn. Faith, it's ringin in 
me ears yet. 

Mike— Ye was at me father's house was ye and heard 
me brother sing the Cruisekeen Lawn. Faith, there's 
where I was, mesili', and the dream seems so real I 
can hardly believe I'm in this divil of a place. We'll 
have to get out of this place soon or we'll have to die 
kere, as I have but one candle left. 



Biddy— Hark, what's that, faith, I heard Toices 
somewhere beyant. 

{Voices— this way. this way, we're on the right track] 

MiKE-[Shouts] Hello. Come this way whoever ye are 
and I'll show ye a couple of Patlanders that's badly 
lost. Be the powers, if Ingersoll was here a week 
I think he'd change his moind, for this must be the 
intrance way to it. 

[Enter Buck with three or four rustics, carrying ropes 
and lanterns, one has a fiddle,] 

Buck— Well friends, what seems to be the difficulty? 

Pat— Difficulty, difficulty is no name for it. I was 
just makin up me moind to die here. 

Biddy— O gintlemen, yez look like angels to us, de 
ye think we'll iver see daylight again. 

Buck— O, yes, I'll send one of these men to show 
you the way out. Here, Tom, go with these people 
and show them daylignt. 

Mike— O, be me soul, gintlemen, I feel as sthiff as a 
sthake after bein in this place, I feel awful sthiff. Mr. 
de ye think that thing would do us any good. [Points 
to fiddle.] 

Buck— [Laughing] O yes, that's a bang up exercisin 
machine, warranted always to take the kinks out. 

Mike— O Biddy, de ye hear that, me darlint. Come 
Biddy, git the chill off ye [grasps Biddy] now go ahead 
wid yer kinking machine. 

{Rustic plays gig, Mike and Biddy dance for dear life] 



[At conclusion.] 

Mike— Well, gintlemen, I tbink we'll be goin. Heav- 
en bless yez for yer kindness, and if I iver git out of 
this place again and iver feel curious I'll go up in a 
balloon. Faith ye'll not get me ixplorin holes as big 
as this agin. 

[Takes Buck by the hand, Heaven bless ye, me friend, 
may yer life be long and happy.] 

Biddy— Thank yez, gintlemen [courteseying] Heav- 
en bless yez. [Mike, Biddy and Tom exit— L U Ent. 

Buck— [to his companions]— Well, we'll onward. 
Them folks has had pienic enough to last them some 
time. [Exit K U Ent.] 

SCENE VII. 

[Scene. Slow music. Giant's Hall. Comes on slow. 
Enter— Keni and Nimrod. K 2d Ent.] 

Keni— Nimrod you visit us quite often since your dis- 
covery, our stalegmites, stalactites, chrystal lakes, cas 
cades, etc., are very attractive to you I have no doubt. 

Nim— Yes, they are attractive, indeed, but they are 
not what attracts me hither. You have one here in 
your gorgeous cavern domain. A fair one, more beau- 
tiful to me than all their gorgeous, glittering columns 
of emerald, amethyst, sapphire or diamonds, e'en 
were they illumined by the noonday sun. 

Keni— Nimrod, pray tell me who this brilliant is, 
that so enchants your soul. 

Nim— O it is ecstacy even to breathe her name— the 
name of her I adore is Chrystal. 



Keni— Nimrod, your love is ardent, I've no doubt, 
But how can you carry its cravings out ! 
Chrystal is a spirit and cannot wed 
With a mortal whose spirit has not yet fled. 

Nim— O then welcome death, I'd bear thy sting 
In ecstacy, let my soul take wing, 
O then to my Chrystal let me fly, 
To mingle with spirits not to die. 

Keni— Nimrod, I see you're in a pathetic state 
So I'll retire and let you meditate, 
And should the fair Chrystal your suit approve, 
Then show her how ardent you can love. By by. 

Aside— The poor boy is way off, Cupid shot him deep. 

[Exit L H 2d Ent.] 

[Nim standing near centre stage, meditating, hand 
on forehead. Scene moves off slowly.] 



SCENE VIII. 

[Scene Grotto, Gause drop. Chrystal behind gauze] 

Nim— O this feeling will drive me frantic. Chrystal, 
O, where art thou, dearest, let me once more gaze on 
thine angelic form and speak one word of love to thee 

[Show Chrystal through gauze. Nim remains stand- 
ing, back to Chrystal. Chrystal sings. J 
Chrystal's song— Air, Flee as a Bird.] 

Grieve not, brave son ol'the mountain, 

For one that adores thee is near. 
Go drink from our pure chrystal fountain, 

Thy anguish will soon disappear. 
Go drink of its water, it will cheer thee, 
Andthose that you love will be near thee, 
Then speak and the loved ones will hear thee. 

And calm your gloomy fear, 
And calm your gloomy fear. 



Grieve not, brave son of the mountain, 

Dispel all your anguish and fear, 
Haste to the clear flowing fountain, 

There drink and joy will appear. 

Go drink of its water, it will cheer thee, 
And tbose that vou love will be near thee, 
Then speak and the loved ones will hear thee, 

And calm your gloomy fear. 

And oalm your gloomy fear. 

[Chrystal disappears.] 

Nim— [Turns around, after Chrystal's disappear- 
ance, looks bewildered] O, that voice, that angelic 
voice, it is indeed of heaven, O that my soul was free 
that I could always follow thee. [Exit L Ent.] 

[Darken down, take up gause drop, show cavern back- 
ing. Enter Seth and Sam, 3d Ent. R H, Sam car- 
ries lantern.] 

Seth— Come on Sam, ye tarnal foolish nigger, I'll be 
darned if I'll ever explore this hole agin with a darned 
foolish nigger, that imagins the devil is ketchin 
him every minnit. 

[Sam jumping, and cutting all sorts of antics— aw- 
fully frightened.] 

Sam— O, MassaSeth, did ye see it. 

[Hideous gnomes appearing to Sam— Seth not seeing 
them— they appear and disappear to Sam. ] 

O, Massa, fust a red one, then a green one, O, clare 
dey is agin. O O, de Lord save us. 

Seth— [Turns around, sees one of the genii] Well, 
by Chowder, there's sumthin in Sam's imagination 
arter ali. Here, young feller (speaking to Genii) hop 
out and let's see what kind of a critter ye are, anyhow 



(Genii jumps out and stands, Sam sticks close to Seth 
awfully frightened.) 

Seth— Well you are the queerest looking furiner I 
ever seed, by Chowder. 

Genii— We are not foreigners [a dozen gnomes from 
every direction assemble around Sam and Seth. ] 

Seth— If you are not furiners, I'd like to see the 
colors you fly. 

Genii— Yes? here it is (showing American flag) they 
are gay and warranted not to run. 

Seth— Well, by gimminy, who'd a thunk it. 
I heard it floated on every sea, 
But to see it here, well, that beats me, 
But why do so many of you here assemble? 
See, you frighten Sam, just see him tremble. 

[Pointing to Sam] 

Geni— Yes when a darkey is frightened you soon can 
tell. However, they say, the colored troops did fight 
well. 

Seth— Well, what do you do hereto pass the time 
away — if you didn't do something to keep yer blood 
in circulation, I should think ye'd all ketch yer death 
a cold. 

Geni— Well, you' r just in time to see, so stay I advise 
And see Columbia give us our exercise. 
We march and dance and merrily sing, 
And your Sam can cut the pigeon wing. 
In many sports we do engage, 
The same as on a theatre stage. 
But as you gaze on us, you must not feel 
That we are like them. No, we are really real, 
So step aside (pushes Seth), be of good cheer, 
Our music comes, its strains I hear. 



( Distant music, nearer, nearer, until Columbia enters 
with her retinue— music slow, Star Span. Ban., 
all march down stage and halt— then change ap- 
pearance of dress and strike up Hail Columbia 
and march again— at conclusion of march half 
on each side of stage. Columbia, Chrystal and 
Viola seated on grotto throne, back stage.) 

Columbia.— I see we have strange guests here to-night 

(Looking at Seth and Sam) 

They are welcome— to entertain is our delight. 

Seth— (Stepping from side of stage, bowing to Co- 
lumbia) Thank you for your kindness, Miss Columbia. 
I have often heard of you, but always thought you a 
myth. I am pleased to see Miss Columbia a reality. 
I am, by Chowder. 

Col — Thank you. Please be seated in our, to you, 
mystic dell : see and hear all you can, but do not tell. 

(Seth goes to grotto seat, the sports begin.) 

[Here introduce any kind of business, at conclusion 
Columbia and retinue march off.] 



SCENE IX. 

(Scene. Darken down. Enter Nim and Hans.) 

Hans— Yell, Nimelrods, we sthicks together quite a 
good deal since you first come do>vn here to ketch de 
rabbit. You don't ketch him yet, I dink he wash 
took a good many moonlight excursions since dot 
time (laughing), sometime you must set a shnare for 
him, den you ketch him sure (laughing). 



Nim— I don't know about that; one thing is very- 
certain, he set a snare for me ; and I am completely 
wound upmit. 

Hans— Yes, you wash ketehed Rood enough. I told 
you who set de shnare mid de rabbit— it was Keni. he 
had to do dot, so you found out de cave out, so ven you 
found it out you tell everybody unt den dose shmart 
peoples dot dinks dey know evryting, found it out dot 
dey don't know evryting, by Jimminy. 

Nim— True, man don't know everything. As Shake- 
speare truly says, there is more in heaven and earth 
than was ever dreamed of in man's philosophy. 

Hans— Who said dot? 

Nim —Shakespeare, the immortal bard of Avon. 

Hans— Vot avenue. Avenue A, I dinks. 

Nim— No, Stratford-upon-Avon, a place in England. 

Hans— O, I thought you was talking about some 
Dutchman, vot lives in Avenue A, in Ni Yorik; you 
wash never in Ni Yorik, I dinks, dot wash a bully 
place, blenty sourkrout, blenty bad Dutchmans. O 
dot Ni Yorik wash a great blace, plenty bretzels, plen- 
ty lager beer, five cents for a schooner. You never eat 
sourkrout, 1 dinks. ' 

Nim— No, I never did. 

Hans-O, dot wash bully, I told you all about it. 

Song — Music, Hoist up the flag. 
Hans - Sourkrout is healthy, it's delicious for to take 
A Dutchman he will eat it till it makes his stomach 

ache. 
He will eat it with his lager with the greatest of ease, 
And now and den he takes a bite of sweet Limburger 

cheese. 
Yes, sourkrout is bully, dot every Dutchman knows, 
And if a Yankee shmeil of dot it "made him a sore nose. 



Sourkrout is maked from a cabbage dot is ripe, 
A Dutchman he must make it while he's smokin a pipe 
And when he gets it chopped up fine he puts it in a cellar 
There he lets it stand and smell till it cant smell any 

smeller. 
Yes, sourkrout is bully, dot every Dutchman knows, 
And if a Yankee shmell of dot it make him a sore nose. 

Sourkrout is healthy, dots vot every Dutchman dinks, , 
Some folks say it is not good and make believe it 

sthinks, 
Dey say dey cannot eat it, ven dey try it smart dare eyes 
But a Dutchman he can eat it till the very day he dies 
Yes, sourkrout is bully, dot every Dutchman knows, 
And if a Yankee shmell of dot it make him a sore nose. 

Hans - (slaps Nim on shoulder) Nimmel I dinks you 
like some sourkrout, it makes you feel like anoder man 

Nim— Yes and from description smell like another 
man. too. 

Hans— Nimmel I dinks you wash going back on me, 
beeause I wash a German, aint it? 

Nim — O no, not at all. I am cosmopolitan in my 
ideas ; everyone to their tastes, it wouldn't do for all to 
think the same. 

Hans — No by Jiminy, if dot wash sount if everybody 
wash like you, dere would be a big crowd after Chrys- 
tal. Hey, Nimmel! 

Nim. I could not blame them (Nim walking back 

• stage.) 

Hans— Yell, Nimmel, I must gone away, I see you 
by and by (aside) when I see him again he will be 
one of us. He little thinks how near he is to that bourne 
from which dey say no traveler comes back. [exit.] 

Nim — (Walking slowly down stage) Well this is a 
strange place indeed to be so infatuated with, but I 
cannot rest until I have seen the whole of this world 
of beauty here below. 



[He climbs up behind wing, talking all the while, 
saying, hold on my trusty little stalactites, hold 
on my trusty little friends, etc., until he is out of 
sight, then come down to stage, change dress, 
Keep talking all the time as though climbing. 
Drop dummy from flies, dressed like Nimrod. 
When it falls to stage, behind grotto set piece, 
Nim crawls behind set piece. ] 

Nim O, God this terrible fall, O, terrible, terrible, 
and no one near to assist. O God, this is indeed the 
last of my earth career. O mother, O father, sis- 
ters, brother, is there no one near to hear my dyeing 
words. O, O, earth, farewell, farewell. [expires.] 

[While talking show hand above set piece occasionly, 
scene commence to brighten up, calcium light y 
different colors. Slow music, Sweet By and By.] 

[Enter Chrystai, numerous gnomes and fairies, 4th 
ent, both sides, walk down stage both sides, 
halt and face, Chrystai down centre.] 

Cheystal. Friends, we assemble here, to-night, 
To welcome a spirit, a shining light. 
One who has been our earthly Mend, 
Whose earth mission is now at an end. 
He has performed the duty destiny for him designed, 
Now in the realms of happiness his reward will find. 
Now let us welcome our true spirit friend 
To his future happiness without end. 

[Nim slowly raises from behind set piece, seeming 
bewildered at his new position, stepping slowly 
down stage. Beautiful silver spangled dress.] 

Nim. O, can it be I've passed that vale, so terribly 
pictured. 
Yes, it must be so. O, I feel so light, my soul's aglow. 
All ecstacy my feelings seem to know, 
There lays my old body, as it fell, 
And here's the new one, but where to dwell? 



Chrys. Here, with friends from every clime — 
Here, with friends all just and true 
That have here assembled to welcome you. 
So, welcome Nimrod, and happy be 
Through all the great eternity. 



Nim O Chrystal, this is heavenly bliss, 
Thy virgin brow pray let me kiss, 
Death had its horrid pang, 'twas true.. 
But many such I 'd feel for you. 



Chbys. Nimrod allow me to lead thee to a regal seat 
Where iEolian strains your ears will greet. 
You'll find harmony reigns in our chrystal cave, 
You'll find it a heaven — not a grave.. 



(Chrys leads Nim and Viola to seat on chrystal throne 
Here have march of fairies, gnomes, etc., after 
which introduce variety business, then all march 
off. This to be arranged at conclusion of business. 



SCENE X. 



[Scene darkens, very dark back stage. EnterCount de 
Buskin, teacher of dramatic art, queer make-up] 



Buskin— O what serene f olitude is here, O, what a 
place for the inspiration of the soul to ooze out its 
spontaneous creations. Buskin, here you must halt, 
and exclaim "Thusifar in the bowels of the earth, 
without impediment." O this is the place that Mac- 
beth would be apt to exclaim * is that a dagger I see 
before me? ' 



(Here Nemo, a sprite, shows himself, up and behind 
wing, Buskin not seeing him, when Buskin ex- 
claims Is that a dagger I see before me, Nemo 
gives him an awful whelt on the head with blad- 
der on stick. Strikes him 2 or 3 times 



Nemo. You call dot a dagger, aint it (dodges back) 



Buskin. Be thou goblin damned or any other man, 
^now thyself and I '11 combat with thee. 



Nemo. You want to fight, aint it? take dot and dot 
(striking twice in quick succession ; dodging out of 
sight again.) 

Buskin. Well, that is very queer (looking around). 
There is nothing visible ; it must be the cavern bats. 

(Enter Nemo with banjo or guitar, 1st Ent., L H.) 

Buskin. Well, sir, your appearance does not fright- 
en me. Who and what are vou? Speak ! L charge 
thee, speak! (Striking comic attitude.) 



Nemo. You want me to say someting, aint it? Veil 
old feller, how how you was? (Going to Buskin and 
shaking his hand.) 



Nemo. Yen I come here you was talkin mit some 
one, who wash dot? 



Buskin. You did hear me talking, I was merely 
soliloquising. I was but giving vent to the prompt- 
ings of my inmost soul, when all at once a cavern bat 
flew against me with such force, it nearly sent me 
sprauiing flat. 

i 



Nemo. (Aside) Well, by Jiminy, dot was fun, he don't 
know de difference fun a bladder and a bat, next time I 
hit hi in mit a brick bat, den he told de difference, I bet 
you. 

Buskin. By appearance, I should judge you was a 
musician. 

Nemo. yes I make moosic. I show you what I 
done. 



(Nemo picks jig on banjo, by degrees Buskin dances and 
finally goes in red hot, the power of music is too 
much for him.) 

Buskin. Hold on my friend, hold on, you'll be the 
death of me, hold on (grasping banjo), if you knew my 
feelings, and the respectability of my family connections, 
you'd desist. (Nemo lets up on him.) 



Nemo. Vot kiud of feller you was anyhow ? You can't 
stand a little dance like dot. 



Buskin. A dance like that, why that's a common 
jig. Why that's music for a hamfatter. I want 
something more refined. Polka music or something 
of the kind. Iiemember, I 'm an actor. 



Nemo • Yell, now I play you someting, yust see how you 
like dis. 

(Plays and sings, Emmet style. Buskin making ges- 
tures all the while.) At conclusion 



Buskin, Ah, that's the kind of song and dance, 
That does a mortal's soul entrance, 
It sets our kindly feelings all aglow, 
1 1 makes it heaven here below. 



Nemo. (To Buskin) Now, Billy Shakespeare, just 
give me a sample of your acting, this is just the place 
to try the strength of your lungs. 

Buskin. My friend I will give thee a few imita- 
tions of some of the eminent actors (imitate or give 
something original, after which) Well now my friend 
I'll away to the upper earth— I must say this place has 
many charms, it's almost like a heaven. 

Nemo. O yes dis was heaven, some folks tink heaven 
wash high up ; not altogether so, I told you where heav- 
en is, where peace, love and harmony dwell ; no matter 
where, there is heaven. But where treachery vice and 

all wickedness thrive there is Well Bob Ingersoll 

says there's no such place : but you can bet there's 
where all the cremating is done. 

Buskin. Well, be that as it may 
I suppose we'll know at some future day. 

Nemo. Yes they say actors chances are always bright 
Their mission is to light uo the moon and hang out 
stars at night. 

Buskin. Well, my worthy friend I'll now away, 
I'll call again some future day. 

Nemo. Yah, dot is right ; come just one week from 
to-day, den we have one bully time. Chrystal she gits 
married mid Nimelrods. Den we have one grand gala 
day. 

O den we'll make dose caverns ring, 
We'll dance and march and merry sing. 
Each nymph will glide on chrystal lake, 
Each fairy then her wand will take 
To summon friends from every land 
To join our jovial happy band. 

Buskin. Well, farewell. Adieu, adieu. (exit 



Nemo. By by, Billy, look out for the bats. Well 
before I go I'll yust try dis music once more unt I 
play someting vot nobody ever heard before (look- 
ing all around). 

[Sings—Pinafore music] 

When I was a boy, in New York I dwelt, 

And queer inclinations I oft-times felt. 

Isold newspapers from door to door 

And when there was an extra how I would roar. 

i roared so loud aud cheerfulee, 

That now I am the ruler of the whole navee. 

(Several gnomes at conclusion of verse run him off 
with bladders.) 



SCENE XI. 

{Scene. Cavern Sentinel and spectre. Enter Tom 
leading little Stella by the hand.) 

Tom. Come on, my little one, this is the place vare 
the sun wont 'urt yer hies. Hey, me coves (speak- 
ing to his pals.) 

Dick. (One of the pals) Not a bit, hif ve holl stay 
ear a veeke we'll ave hies like a howl. 



Tom. (Looking at Stella) Singing (Cracksmen's song) 

O wouldentyour daddy like to know 

Laddy, faddy, wack, fal laddy, I O. 
Where his— pretty little kid did go. 
O, yes, I know, he'd like to know 
(Chorus all) Laddy faddy wack fal laddy I O. 



O, this is the place to keep the swag 

Laddy, faddy, wack, fal iaddy I O. 
It beats a bank or a leather bag 
And its safe from the clutch of any old hag 
(Chor. last line.) Laddy, faddy, wack, fal laddy, I O. 



(Here numerous gnomes come in behind the ruffians 
and sing with them. But invisible to them. 
At conclusion of song — 



Tom. By thunder, by the heco ere ye'd think there 
was a hundred a pals a singing. Ay, but this is a rum 
place. 



(Tom looking at Stella.) 



Tom. Yell, me liltle one, don't ye feel fraid, down 
ere? 

Stella. O no, not in the least. I do not feel so 
much so now as I did before we came in nere. I feel 
now as if there was good guardian angels all about 
me. Every little while I see the shadowy form of a 
beautiful lady. O she looks like a bright angel. O 
how beautiful. 



Tom. Yot do you know about hangels? 



Stella. When I used to pray, my Ma used to tell 
me all about the angels, and said if I was good I 
would see them sometime. So I try to be good and I 
know I will see them, because my Ma said so. 



Tom. That's hall himagination, my little one. 
There's no hangels ere. Hay, me pals ?" 



(Dick, (and all laugh)— Nary ha hangel. 



Tom. Never mind, me little one, ye'll see yer Mam- 
my to-morey, if the reward is alright (Tom looking 
around) Ho me pais, but this is a rum place for a 
cracksman. I'll take the swag and 'ide it ere (take 
box, carry it off, others follow him. L H, 3d Ent.) 

(Leave Stella standing. ) 

[Viola. Beckons to Stella. Stella goes to her. 

Exit Kt. 3d Ent.] 

(Tom and companions return. Stella has gone.) 

Tom. By St. Paul, me coves, the kid's skipped or 
some bleedin hallegater has heat her hup. Come, me 
pals, we'll hafter her. (Exit R H 4th Ent.) 

(Enter Viola and Stella 3d R. H.) 

VIola. My little friend, you are now free from 
those wicked men. 

Stella. O yes, they are so wicked, they curse so 
awfully. O, they are so very wicked. 

Viola. Yes and they shall be punished for their 
wickedness. We will cause them to be so bewildered 
that when they see the light of day again they will 
barely have life in them, crime cannot escape its re- 
ward. Come with me, my dear child, and you shall 
see your good Ma before the setting of the sun. 

.Stella. O thank you, you are so good. You are 
not a stranger to me. I have often seen you in my 
dreams, and when I came here I felt that you was 
near. [Looking around] Do you not feel lonely 
in this place ? 

Viola. O no not in the least, here we always feel 
anxiety for others, such as you, that occupy our 
thoughts, and as for scenes, you must not form an 
opinion from this dreary looking cavern. This is a 
spot that wickedness selects for its vile work. But 
here, as in the upper world, we have our dart and 
bright spots ; I will illustrate. Here, Stella, is a few 
bright spots. 



(This is so and so, showing several beautiful cavern 
scenes and commentiDg on them. At conclusion 

Exit K. H.] 



SCENE XII. 

[Scene. Bridal Chamber. Church music. Grotto 
Altar.] 

[Procession enter through centre opening behind 
altar. March down stage both sides. Chrystal 
and Nimrod carried in grotto palanquin to foot 
lights, then turn and go up stage. Procession 
follow to altar.] 

[The ceremony is performed byKeni.] 

THE CEREMONY. 

Keni. Nimrod and Chrystal, you have come here 
to-night. 
With retinue whose faces all beam with delight. 
Your vows will be mutual, your loves ardent and true 
Tour friends sanction the union because they love you 
You will please join your hands, this wreath is the ring 
The angels will witness— the seraphs will sing, 
And as spirits of Luray we all feel delight, 
And hallow the work of the gods here to-night. 
Heaven bless you. (Crown Chrystal with wreath.) 

(After the ceremony. Grand march or any busi- 

ness which may be chosen for a grand finale.) 
(At conclusion— Keni step to footlights.) 

Keni. Now kind friends, as it is getting late, 

We'll let our festivities here terminate, 

And we'll each return to our cavern home, 

And in dreamland let our fancies roam. 

And to our mortal friends here let me add, 

Always be good and shun that is bad. 

Now may you all depart to a happy home 

As brilliant as any Luray dome. 

To see all happy is our delight, . * I . 

Adieu, kind friends, good night. £0oa TM ^Kt* 

(curtain.) 



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